Goals

I have no plans or goals whatsoever for this blog.


So, I suppose, that is what I'll write about - plans.


Like everyone, I've had many different, differing plans for my life, and somewhere along the way, also like everyone, many of those plans have hit snags (or brick walls...though perhaps in light of recent events, brick walls should be read as SUV's). But also as with everyone else, my goals don't always work out, they become redirected, or otherwise simply fade away as I lose interest or move on.


I don't mean to say that no plans work out for anyone, or that people cannot set and achieve their own goals. As far as my experience is concerned, however, I've found the plans which come to fruition are those I've concerned myself with the least. There has been thought involved, of course, but not the brooding fixation which I feel plagues me and most likely others as well when it comes to certain issues or plans. For example: getting a degree was always part of my plan in life, however, I would rarely have listed graduating college as a goal, or part of some 'plan' in terms of something which I was actively trying to accomplish as an end of its own. I was always planning to graduate from college (though honestly I did have significant doubts about halfway through, but that can be an issue for another time), but graduation was just a step in the direction of an actual goal.

A real goal or plan for me is almost always abstract, or at least somewhat intangible - Happiness, Success, Love, Fulfillment, Respect, Admiration, etc. So, for me, it has hardly ever been about an actual end-goal, such as the college degree. Rather the achievements along the way are merely pit-stops on the path towards what I really want. This may also explain why I put so little stock in the milestones I've 'achieved.' I'm not ungrateful. I'm not jaded. I'm not indifferent. It's merely that my sights are set elsewhere. Graduating from high school, or from college, or getting fairly good grades, or getting a job, or a promotion or a raise...those things aren't important to me (not because I don't see them as good, but because I mostly see them as being a part of the journey elsewhere). The hope is that all those events or 'accomplishments' will inevitably bring me to, or at least towards one or more of those long-term, abstract goals I've longed to achieve.

I have some goals which are a bit more concrete, though I believe them all to be tied to the abstract goals above. One simple example: I want to write. I'd like to be successful at it. I'd like to be accomplished enough to make a living through my writing. Even this goal isn't all that concrete, because my visions for my writing end up taking me in many different directions. I've done stage plays, novels, short stories, video games, even some things which could someday become screenplays, and I could theoretically see myself being happy, successful, and fulfilled doing any one of those things. That being said, writing is still not the ultimate goal to me, as writing is simply what I want to do in order to achieve my real goals: i.e. happiness.

Perhaps it can be said that everyone desires the same things, and material possessions and concrete achievements are simply a means to the end of something grander and more personal and abstract, but I believe often people find themselves satisfied with what they find along the journey that the original destination - that intangible goal they consciously or subconsciously set for themselves - is lost or forgotten. Satisfaction is good, but rather than accepting what you discover on the path, shouldn't that satisfaction spur you on, and act as encouragement, demonstrating that your path is working and your goal, your destination, is on the horizon...?

Thank you for reading.

The Base/st

This is my first foray into the world of blogging, and though I fully expect to be the only one to ever read this, I'll write nonetheless.


The title of my blog is from a William Faulkner quote, stating that "A writer must teach himself that the basest of all things is to be afraid." As someone who once primarily considered himself (and who hopes to soon consider himself once again to be) a writer, I know this is true. True, however, in that fear is not only the basest of all things, but also, I feel, the base of all things. and this is what I'll touch on first.

I believe that (though I shy away from the word) everything arises, in some way or another, from fear. People fear being alone - they enter the dating world, make friends, business contacts, and the like, in an effort to stave off the looming possibility of loneliness. Also in line with this fear is that of leaving with world without having made an impact or lasting mark. Through this fear, I believe people select their life-path, whether that be family or career-minded, or both, people wish to leave a lasting legacy. People have children, help others, write, act, sing, research, all of which can and in theory do leave such a legacy behind. People fear abandonment - so they reinforce their relationships, they forge new, stronger friendships, and (if they're committed) will work diligently to ensure the health and success of these relationships (I believe this fear, in and of itself arises from the fear of being alone, which goes to demonstrate that these fears don't go away, but simply become re-directed). People fear ignorance, which I believe is the start of so much we do as humans. We strive to understand our world and all that surrounds us, and tied to the fear of making a lasting impact, I think that understanding of our world leads to a desire to improve the world, or at least a part of it. Essentially, life is about encountering, admitting, confronting, and ideally overcoming various fears. There are many more fears, and many more personally specific fears than I've mentioned. I, of course, have many other fears which potentially, in time, I may come to discuss here. But for the time being, I'll move on to the other portion of this entry...

Being afraid is a terrible feeling, and one which can be stifling, destructive, and seemingly insurmountable, but in recognizing the obstacles such fear can present, one sees the need to abandon fear, and leave it behind. To be afraid is to allow something else to possess total control, and regardless of the enterprise or endeavor, if it is something about which you are passionate, then the control should rightfully be yours. The quote itself is about the act or art of writing, which is a fairly personal matter (though that calls into question the act of blogging, I'll ignore that for now and continue with this line of thought) and any such personal matter should, I believe, be in your control. To relinquish this control is to sacrifice what you might have created in order to settle for what a fear-clouded mind might create. This is not to say that those who create, and create well, are without fear, or without the influence of fear, which i don't believe to be truly possible, but rather creators find a way to harness their fears - encounter, admit, confront, and overcome - to such a degree that the fear they have is but a catalyst to creation. Fear is not "the basest of all things," but rather to be afraid - which implies that what you are, in essence, is afraid: consumed and overcome by those fears. Whereby they do not drive or inspire you, but rather rule you.

From the standpoint of a writer, especially a writer of fiction, to be afraid is to muzzle your craft and thereby your work. The fear of standing out, the fear of trying and failing, the fear of not being understood (or worse yet, of being misunderstood), and even the fear of success can hinder an act of creation, and dwarf what might otherwise be a meaningful endeavor.



When it comes to writing, I've lived with these fears, and numerous others, for years. However, it would be dishonest and misleading to claim I've bested them, and that I'm no longer afraid. Were I truly the master of the fear and not its slave, I would in all likelihood be writing my novel right now, or I'd admit without shame that my other significant piece is what I sincerely hope to one day make into an epic video game story. But alas, I write a blog, and resist even the mention of turning a serious writing endeavor into something as stereotypically juvenile as a video game.


So, in conclusion, all I can really offer is to say that I realize in order to overcome these fears, and best this feeling, I can only go forward and fight for it. Being unafraid is an improbable and even impossible goal, but with each key I type towards the creation of something I will ideally love, I hopefully draw ever closer to that goal and to being unleashed from myself.

If you read, then I thank you, and welcome your input.