without going into too much detail about any person or situation specifically, I'll just begin by saying that O'm often in the position of the friend who the boyfriend dislikes. Occasionally this is my fault, and maybe I've been a little too close to (or friendly with) certain females in my life. Occasionally it is due to overly jealous boyfriends who consider being possessive of their significant other to be the same as being loving and protective of them. In general, I blame the boyfriend more often than not. and since it's my story, i think i'm probably not too abnormal in doing so, since it's much more natural for me to see, understand, and ultimately side with myself in these matters.
i'm not above these feelings of jealousy, and i have at one point or another felt as though some line had been crossed which made me very uncomfortable, or maybe i just wasn't sure about the relationship between a particular girl i was with or what have you. So, i'm not writing this pretending that i'm perfect or completely beyond jealousy (though i don't believe i've ever been possessive as i've seen in many others).
however, due to recent events, i've come to a conclusion that i'd like to explore to some extent. and i've based it on the tv series How I Met Your Mother (HIMYM). For those of you unfamiliar with the series, it is essentially a man telling his children everything that happened in his life socially, personally, and romantically which eventually led to him meeting the mother of his children.
After a recent "run in" with an immature possessive boyfriend, wherein he thought verbal (written, to be specific) threats were the best way to get his point across, I decided to respond in kind. not with threats, but simply with words. i explained my side of things. i said that i wasn't interested in his girlfriend, and didn't want to 'steal' her. on and on and on, and in the end, he didn't let up, and my (now former) friend couldn't seem to see the problem with his behavior, nor could she tell me she had a problem with mine (which i told to both her and the boy that if she had an issue, all she had to do was say so...but i digress). but through all this, I tried seeing it as a father explaining things to his children. if that guy and that girl stay together and eventually get married, have kids, the whole nine, then i wonder how that story goes.
i would fully expect that in his narrative, i'm of course going to come off as the bad guy, but objectively (or as objectively as i can see something having been in the middle of it) it seems clear to me that not only was his possessiveness in the wrong, but his choice of how to deal with it (threats and attempted bullying) was as well. so in an effort to maintain the semblance of objectivity, at least in a future-conscious, retrospective manner, I came up with something to consider based on HIMYM.
If we have kids, how will the story go? would i want to tell the true story of how it all happened? could i tell my children proudly that i demanded their mother cut ties with her friends because i didn't like them? could i tell them that i threatened someone who repeatedly claimed to have no romantic interest in their mother? what would i tell them?
we all have our own stories. our own narratives. our own perspective. but i can't help but wonder how you spin it if you're the bad guy. i know jealousy can happen. i know everyone has issues, and problems. but i can't imagine sitting with my children and explaining to them how i forced their mother to give up her friends (of course this raises other issues as to the strength of this hypothetical mother who is strong-armed, so to speak, into doing what her boyfriend wanted. would you want her as the mother of your children? i suppose if you're the kind of guy who expects to possess his girlfriend, then that's exactly who you'd want to be the mother of your children...)
so, in closing, i've taken a look at myself, and i think it's an important question i should keep in mind...if so-and-so is to be the mother of my children, is our story one i'd want to tell?
i've rambled enough. thanks for reading.
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