boredom and frustration induced rant

i decided i needed to vent, but since i had nobody to vent TO, i decided to return to the long lost blog which i didn't so much forget about as lose interest in. maybe i miss the point entirely, or maybe it's just not something i have it in me to do very frequently. like tweeting. i've joined the twitter community, so to speak, but i don't really have much to say that i want, need, or especially care enough about to share with the 5 people who might read it. but i'm back to blogging, and unlike other posts, i have an actual plan for this one. though it may seem petty, i'm going to complain (might be too harsh a word, but i'll use it just to be safe) about someone i used to be friends with (without naming any names).

basically, while i was friends with this person, i was hovering around a fairly low point where i was quite upset about my loneliness and lack of a girlfriend. it's very juvenile perhaps, but i think almost everyone who happens to be single feels that way. but in any case, this girl - the friend of mine who i'll call anna - would consistently tell me that i was being ridiculous and that i should figure out how to be happy by myself before i worried about finding someone else to make me happy. her basic point in all the criticism was that she seemed to think my life was empty and i just needed someone to swoop in and fill it and fix it and make me happy. that would be a problem, and i never disputed the truth of this argument, because i acknowledge that it is important to be happy and comfortable enough in your own life and in your own skin before branching out too far. however, i simply believed and continue to believe that her profession never applied to be. whatever i said, she never seemed satisfied that her point was being heard - or at the very least she never grasped that i understood, accepted, and supported this. to anna, the simple fact that i 'wanted a girlfriend:' someone with whom to share experiences, conversation, happiness, companionship, etc. meant that i was an unfulfilled being who needed her input on how my life was faulty. besides my main issue that i was perfectly content with myself for some of the time, i was simply not happy being alone all the time. who besides the naive or misanthropic is truly happy alone at all times? maybe some are, but i am not. and i don't see that as a problem. if humans were complete on their own, we wouldn't have societies, communities, friendships, relationships, emotional connections, or a desire for any of those things... in conclusion, she expressed these ideas to me - that my attitude of being upset at being alone was not only incorrect, but that the desire itself was also wrong.

one problem.

she was the same way. maybe she never expressed it the same way as i did, or she never confided it in anyone (least of all me), but there were definitely the same things at play. she was grumpy all the time, seemed to take her relationships with guys as a major sign of her life improving, whenever it didn't work out her attitude and mood fell.

now anna has a boyfriend.

everything is sunshine and rainbows and she seems happier than i've ever seen her and from everything i can tell, it's as happy as anyone has ever seen her. great. good for her. i really do hope they're happy, but i can't handle the hypocrisy of it all, where her pissy mood is acceptable because she keeps the reasons to herself, but if i mention my frustration with the state of things, suddenly my focus is misplaced and i'm an unfulfilled person who needs to re-evaluate his own life.

maybe i'm just sounding bitter, but i don't mean to. really, i just want to know if i'm insane for thinking this is...insane?!

that is all. hope you enjoyed (again, the 5 people who might read this)...

and thanks for reading.